For some reason my brother and I were at our babysitter's house. I can't recall if it was afternoon or evening, but I remember it as if it was daytime. It would be odd for us to be at our babysitter's house in the daytime, but somehow I believe that was the case. Now an even odder thing was that my girlfriend and her little brother were both at the same babysitter's house. It was a fluke, but it happened. I will say as a side note, Bobbi and Dave were amazing people and I so loved being at their house. Bobbi would crochet and Dave would usually watch TV, but they were the sweetest couple in the world!
While we were hanging out at their house, Annie and I sat on the couch. Her brother and mine just eyeballing us. Being goofy kids we were singing and bouncing and just plain having fun. It was just your typical hanging out just chilling. They had no toys or much to entertain us at their house, so we just made stuff up. I'm sure we played card games and board games to pass the time.
Well, I needed to go to the restroom and decided to take the opportunity. Bobbi and Dave had a bathroom between two little bedrooms and I went in and latched the two doors. I proceeded to take a leak and then flushed and was washing my hands. When on the counter was a bottle of old spice aftershave. Now, this was before Home Alone, so I saw it, knew what it was and was ready to use this to freshen up my smell.
I took two big splashes on my hands and smacked them around as I had seen my dad do when he was shaving. As I looked in the mirror, I made a decision. I decided that I should not put this on my face, but on my gonadular region. I still have no clue on why this made sense at the time, but it is what I did. I took both hands and rubbed them on my junk and sack. I felt a sense of accomplishment, like I was a big kid or an adult as I used this aftershave. It lasted for about ten seconds as the absolute worst sensation built up in my nether regions. It was as if a forest fire was waged in my pants and and intense burn was traveling around my balls. I was in pain. I was dancing around in the bathroom in my underwear with my shorts around my ankles and I had no clue what to do! I couldn't think. It was instinct. I dropped my drawers and started splashing water on my junk. Water puts out fire this will be great...the sensation died down...but have you ever put water over an alcohol based product? Yeah it helps for about fifteen seconds then you get the cool breeze and the burn together. So now I have a tingling sensation to go along with the burn. I've got tears running down my eyes and I am still dancing with my drawers and shorts around my ankles. I finally get a towel and start rubbing and patting the area dry. This begins to help a little. The pain is not subsiding. Every time I jump around more air catches my package and creates the breeze and burn.
Finally, I just pull up my pants and suck it up. I go to the living room, sit on the couch and start bouncing around. I can't believe I didn't pass out. I remember everyone asking what was wrong and I just told them I was on fire. Then I started singing "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. I sang that a few times and after about thirty to forty minutes, the pain had subsided enough that I could sit still.
I will never forget this day. For some reason, I decided my junk needed to smell nice. And to do this, I needed to place Old Spice Aftershave on my precious. This was a wrong move, one of many throughout my life. This one will always be remembered as the stupid things we do for love.
I hope you got a giggle out of my pain!
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