First Grade - Life Lesson Say the Right Thing

Let me tell you something about first grade. I thoroughly enjoyed class, being in school all day and flirting. I was a ham, and spent most of my day chasing girls around the playground (see a theme here?). I remember going to the principal's office several times this year. Nothing was my fault (of course), however I ended up there a lot!

I remember several run-ins with fellow classmates this year. So, I was a bit of a hothead, and it didn't take me long to get angry. I remember my parents always telling me to count to ten as a child, and I would get to about 7 and be spitting made. This one time in reading circle, I was accused of writing in the teacher's book. All the kids in the circle said it was me, and when my teacher asked me why I did it, I told her I didn't. She proceeded to call me a liar. A liar I was not. What happened next is still a shock to me still today (those who remember the mattress story from my Salina days will see some parallels). My teacher looked at me one more time and said, Delton you are a liar. I again professed my innocence, and made a stand. I told her not to call me a liar again (fair warning, I thought). When she rared back a third time with a Delton you are a liar, I saw red and lost it. I took about a third of my pencil and bit the end of it off. I chewed it up and spit it on her, after this, I told her to never call me a liar again. Hello principal's office! It soon became clear that I didn't write in her book, and someone fessed up. I did get a good talking to by my principal and teacher.

The other time I got sent to the office was completely not my fault. You may remember the game "Criss Cross, Applesauce." In this game it was customary to make a criss cross pattern on someone's back and then knee them in the rear end. I was standing in line from chasing the girls, waiting to go back in the classroom, when out of the blue I hear my name. I turn around, and at the right moment one of my classmates, kneed me right in the junk! I started screaming, as only a kid would do, jumping around making a scene. Again, my teacher sent me to the principals office for getting out of line. I did get to see the kid who kneed me take a few swats. I on the other hand just got a firm glare from the end of the paddle that said, young man, I better not see you again this year! He didn't.

So on to the women of my dreams in the first grade. You can see how hansom I was in the photo above (that's right my first grade yearbook picture) so I obviously had a few girls to chase. Being the class clown, I didn't always say the right things to girls, and sometimes that got me in to trouble (don't write a check with your mouth that your ass can't cash). I got my nose pinched by this girl Annalisa and it bled, right there in the middle of class. I am sure I said something mean, but for the life of me can't remember what that was all about.

I chased one girl most of the first grade though. Her name was Rita. She was a joy, heaven to me. She was the daughter of the music minister in town. I would chase her on the playground and write her love notes in class. Silly things like do you like the color red? How about bees? Great conversation starters, maybe I should use these pick up lines today. She eventually moved away, but I never forgot the impression she made on me.

I suppose what I learned most about women from the first grade, was talk nice. I got way farther with do you like the color red? than I ever did with making fun.